How we play (Part I) - Author: Bored

"No dammit! It's called DANCE DANCE Revolution!"
"It's a GAME! You're graded and you get a SCORE! Play it right idiot!"

The debate rages on. Jiro and Bored are sitting at a Starbucks (one of the thirty-seven on the block) arguing. It’s a casual atmosphere, yuppie coffee drinkers dot the tables around them. Jiro is sporting a jersey and sunglasses that never leave his eyes; typical of him when he’s not on official business. Bored, wearing baggy black pants and his trademark cap, lowers his feet from the table as he adopts a less relaxed position. They are well-respected leaders both in the kingdom and in their own specialized fields. Jiro, as second in command of the kingdom, is usually found in the court. He naturally leads the council in the king's stead. Bored, as the royal freestyler, is usually with the common people if there’s not a special event calling him to the theatre. He gathers the crowds and leads them when the cause is just. They are also specialists. Jiro has honed his talents towards accuracy and precision. Bored emphasizes creativity and fluidity. Neither can agree which is better.

Voices are raised as the debate escalates. Things might have gotten worse if they were allowed to continue, but fate’s funny like that. Jiro was about to get up and storm away when Jason, the royal advisor, is spotted running towards them. He was panting heavily and his running was quickly becoming a hopeless attempt at staying up. Jiro and Bored quickly forget their arguments, and their lattes, and rush to his aid. They manage to catch Jason just before he collapses. He tries to speak but they words come out ragged and incomplete. He is quickly escorted inside and given water, Jiro questioning him about his message while Bored encourages him to catch his breath and relax. They glare at each other for a split second, but Jason quickly interrupts them.

“It’s urgent. The Black Mage has collapsed, is unable to breathe, and has no access to an inhaler,” Jason said, looking deep into each of their eyes, his face fixed in a deadpan expression which screamed its sincerity and urgency. “It seems it was damaged in his earlier battle and he doesn’t have a replacement. The nearest replacement is in the next kingdom and no dispatch would be able to reach it in time. His only hope is at a hidden temple not far from here. But the path is dangerous and the temple is heavily guarded. You two are the only ones who could do it in time.”

The dangers which lie outside the kingdom’s walls were well known. There’s only one road to and from the kingdom and it’s always congested with traffic. The reason behind this is that in addition to being the only available to the kingdom, it is very narrow. It’s been there since time immemorial (1st mix… whoa…) and its origins are unknown. The kingdom is surrounded by a great desert (Riverside… lame…) that gets intolerably hot during the day, deadly cold by night, and impossible to navigate reliably.

But the Black Mage’s condition is equally as perilous. Despite being able to now wield great spells of destruction, his physical condition has always been weak, preferring to stay inside and tell stories or play videogames instead of engaging in outdoor activities. His asthma often incapacitates him and would be deadly if left untreated for long. There was no mistaking it; the situation was dire.

Jiro wasted no time. “How do we get there?” he asked. Jason produced a key from his robes. “This key will open a gate in Sector Seven,” he explained. Acquired: Sector Seven Key [1]. “The gate is hidden behind a church. Talk to the caretaker there and she’ll lead you to it. Once outside, a pair of golden birds will be waiting for you. They are tamed creatures called Chocobos and are meant to be ridden. They know the way. They will not accompany you into the temple, but they will wait for you. Now hurry! His life hangs by a thread!”

Jiro and Bored quickly hurried to Sector Seven. Sector Six was currently undergoing construction and was off-limits, but was the quickest way to the church. They hopped and dodged through the wreckage, Jiro’s steps were deliberate and each was firmly placed on a steady foothold. Bored slipped through the tiniest of spaces with elegant flips and shifted his weight with quick spins to compensate for the unstable terrain. Both landed at the same time just outside the fence of a playground that was on the edge of the Sector Seven border. They looked at each other quickly to see who had gotten through faster, but their landings were so close they were unable to tell. Not willing to waste time arguing over it, they silently agreed to save it for another time.

Sector Seven was home to the more disreputable businesses in the kingdom. A “gentlemen’s club” dominated the southeast corner, while the main street was littered with bars, cheap motels, parts stores, and other shady businesses. Despite the surroundings (or perhaps because of them), Sector Seven was also home to the church. A calm spot in the storm that was Sector Seven, the church also had the most beautiful flowers in the kingdom, their beauty surpassing even that of royal garden’s finest blossoms. This was due to the tireless work of the church’s caretaker. The kingdom houses no resident priests; the church is serviced by traveling ministers. The caretaker leads a solitary life at the church. She is a young lady named Aerith. At about nineteen years old, she leads an unusually pious life reflected by her perennial serene demeanor. As if to tempt her from her chosen lifestyle, she is remarkably beautiful. She’s propositioned all the time, but always declines with as much grace as she puts into all other aspects of her life.

Bored has asker her out a number of times as well. No more successful than any other, his passes at her are partially fueled by hopeless optimism, but mostly part of a running joke between them. “So when do you want me to pick you up for dinner? Does half past eight sound good?” he asked hopefully with a trace of a grin. “You’re welcome to help me with the community dinner here any time,” she quickly replied, a wry smile caressing her face. Community dinners were a free service to those who could not always afford food and were visited by hundreds everyday. Cooking for them was a daunting task and not one someone named Bored looked forward to very fondly. “Maybe some other time then,” he said while looking away nervously.

“There’s no time for your flirty bullshit,” Jiro spat. “We need you to show us to the gate please.” Aerith calmly turned to Jiro and said, “The gate is locked and I don’t have the key. Besides, it only leads to the desert.” Jiro took out the Sector Seven Key and replied, “Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.” “Very well then,” she said as she started towards the back of the church. A path to the left lead behind the altar to a short staircase. A the bottom of the staircase was a heavy steel door with a keyhole in the middle. Jiro immediately put the key in, turned it, and pushed the door open. Well… tried to anyway. Then he turned the key the other way and it opened all by itself.

The air was dry and sandy. It rushed into the corridor and into the lungs of the three standing there that were caught unaware. Fits of coughing and some grit-filled spitting dominated the next few moments. No one was blinded by the sand because their eyes had snapped shut to guard against the harsh light. The heat made the air itself cling to any exposed skin. Bored tucked his cap down while Jiro refitted his sunglasses. Motioning towards Jiro’s sunglasses, Bored says, “Those don’t help much since you wear them all the time, do they now?” with a smirk. “Bet it’s pretty hot with that cap on right now,” Jiro says in reply. “Boys…” Aerith starts. “Play nice. I’m going to leave the door unlocked since there doesn’t seem to be a keyhole on the other side.”

As the door shuts, Bored and Jiro start to look for the Chocobos (Bored lets his gaze linger a bit longer than Jiro). A few dozen feet away, the pair of golden birds wait. Their saddles bear a strong resemblance to horse saddles, complete with stirrups. While Jiro used a stirrup to help himself up, Bored used a bar hop maneuver to mount. “Show-off,” Jiro uttered just under his breath. Not hearing the remark, Bored urged his Chocobo forward. Jiro followed shortly after.

The Chocobos were soon racing at breakneck speed. Jiro and Bored tucked in low and held on, their Chocobos leading the way. Suddenly, the birds stopped and would not continue. Their riders had little time to ponder the situation before the very sand before them started erupting, a mound growing unnaturally fast. The mound abruptly exploded into a black cloud. The cloud descended with obvious mass and quickly started making its way to the now dismounted riders. “Cockroaches!” Bored shouted. Jiro recoiled a bit, “I hate cockroaches…They’re so gross…” he said as he warily watched the cockroaches surround them.

The Chocobos had retreated much faster than their riders and were again waiting peacefully some distance away. Blocked off, Jiro and Bored stood back to back as the cockroaches closed in from all sides. Bored, without looking back, quietly said, "Feel like a run?". Jiro turned around and gave his patented "Er?!" look, then reeled a bit when he realized what Bored had in mind. "Ew... Isn't there another way?" Bored, still looking the other way, "Doesn't look like it..." With that, along with a lot of squirming, Bored and Jiro scrambled for their mounts. The silence of the desert was suddenly shattered by sickening crunching and shrieks of disgust. The Chocobos started to take off as their riders dragged a living carpet of cockroaches towards them, but luckily they waited just long enough to pick our heroes.

The remainder of the trip was spent brushing off random cockroaches and checking gear. They were mostly rid of the cockroaches when something came up in the horizon. It looked like a line, but as they made their approach, Jiro pointed out that the line was actually a wall. "Whoa, it's got to be bigger than the kingdom," he said as he realized the scale of the wall. When they finally came to the wall, they saw that not only was it endlessly long, but it was impossibly high. "So now what?" Bored asked to no one in particular. His mount then let out a loud "Wark!" Startled, Bored stroked his Chocobo's neck as he asked it what was wrong. The bird said nothing of course, it didn't have to. A section of the wall started to slide away revealing a long passage with a light at the end...